A Disorder Free Day

My hobbies include, weighing myself and counting calories.

No.

Not anymore.

Those are the hobbies of someone who is sick. But I'm not sick anymore. I'm better than I've ever been. So I have new hobbies. I have new ways of passing the time that don't revolve around food and what I'm eating (or not).

I read. I read all of the great books I used to read. And not all of those books have to do with eating disorders, for a long time those were the only books that could hold my attention. The books were well written, but surrounding yourself with books about the very thing you're trying to fight is probably not the most productive. 

I cook. OK so I started this hobby while entrenched in my disorder but I don't obsess quite as much about making my recipes "skinny" and focus more on making them HEALTHY. And sometimes I don't even go for that, sometimes I make good ol' fashioned chocolate chip cookies, because those are my favorite, god dammit!

Friends. Friends. Friends. I go out on a semi-regular basis. I'm not a party girl or anything, I doubt I ever will be- I'm  positive I skipped that phase. But I don't obsess for days beforehand about what I can eat in the days before, sometimes I can even be SPONTANEOUS about it and go out no matter what I've eaten that day. And there's no talk of my eating disorder because it's not something that my friends have to worry about anymore.

Family. I can see my family on a regular basis because I'm not scared of what I could possibly be fed. Except for meat, I still won't eat that. But that's more of a health thing than a disordered habit. 

I'm back in school. Finally. My disorder made it hard to focus. And hard to take the steps I needed to take to fix the mistakes I had made with regard to school. But I'm back and it's awesome.

Mostly, my hobbies are just me being free. Free to choose whatever I feel like doing that day. To choose and not have to worry about the monster that used to control me getting angry for not listening. 

Being free. That's my favorite hobby of all.

Obviously I'm not there yet. This post is basically my goal. A goal that I hope to achieve within the year. That's right a year. I want to be recovered before the start of 2015. Obviously I've got some work to do but I just know that I will have disorder free days.