Scarlet Letters

Hester Prynne had it easy compared to now. "A" for adultery. She bore her letter as proudly and unabashedly as she could given the situation. while pastor Adam Dimmesdale lives his life in secret shame. Afraid to admit the hand he played.

Sometimes I feel much like Adam, dealing with secrets I am too ashamed to share. I am tortured daily by inner-demons and guilt unable to come forward, afraid of the repercussions. 

On the other hand I'm terrified that all anyone sees are the scarlet letters embroidered in everything I wear. A for anorexia and another for anxiety. C for crazy. D for depression. L for liar. F for fat. I'm covered in these letters, I know  it's all anyone sees. I don't want them to know. 

But isn't the whole point of The Scarlet Letter is, it's better to bear your cross and admit to your sins and mistakes than to be tortured by them until the day you die? Well, yes. But people are more forgiving of adulterers than they are of those with mental health issues.

This is why so many live in secrecy and fear. Much like Adam, we are afraid of the consequences if we speak up. So we hide behind anonymous Twitter accounts or secret blogs, afraid of anyone unearthing our imperfections.

And like Adam, these secrets eat us from the inside out. Making things that much harder. When I'm being chastised for making a mistake or get concerned looks and questions about what's wrong, I want to scream and yell that my internal struggle makes it hard to do everything even though I'm trying my hardest. 

There has to be away to avoid guilt-induced illness, and subsequent death, and instead be unashamed, and like Hester, die peacefully after living the life we all deserve.

We have to get rid of these scarlet letters. And the stigma.