This is what I saw yesterday. Statistics screaming at me that the odds aren't really in my favor. I'm more likely to die than to recover and if I don't die my life is over any way. Those I love would give up, getting tired of my neediness and abandoning me so they don't have to watch me constantly almost kill myself.
I also made a choice when I saw the statistics that I would be part of that 60% I am more determined than ever to beat this. To kill the fucking monster that is ruining my life. I will not be part of the 40% that lives alone and in misery. I refuse to be part of the 3% that goes to an early grave. No, I will be part of the 60%. I will enjoy my life and I will live like I'm supposed to.
Of course, it's so easy to SAY it but it's a completely different thing to go through with it. Recovery is exhausting and fighting is hard and I want a break but I don't get a break because the monster doesn't take breaks, in fact it waits for me to get tired so it can drag me down yet again but this time it won't get the chance.
Because right here and right now, despite how scary this is, I've decided to be part of the 60%. And I will be, despite the odds.
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