Killer Cardio

I'm on exercise restriction. That means no running, spinning, hiking, swimming. I'm not even allowed to walk long distances. My dietitian told me I could walk to Starbucks as long as it was under a mile and I did it in flip flops.

And that's the problem, I do all of the exercises I'm not supposed to be doing. I have found a new love for spin and do that 2 or 3 times a week. Or I go for 2ish mile runs. On top of the work schedule I have that already burns calories like crazy. And my recovering metabolism that's in overdrive.

I'm compensating for the food that's being forced down my throat with exercise. I can't starve anymore so it's off to the gym I go. And the worst part is that combined with the restricting i still do when I'm left on my own for too long, and the damage of eating so little for so long that's already present I'm killing myself. I'm killing myself and I can't stop.

But I have to. I have to get this under control because if I don't I'll end up in the hospital, or worse. I'm supposed to come up with ways to keep myself from doing those exercises but other than being physically restrained I have NO idea how to kick this habit. Especially, since I know if I didn't have such a crazy schedule I would workout even more than I am now.

Working out right now also screws with my vitals. And unstable vitals means back to PHP or even the hospital if it gets too bad. And I think about that every time I get in the car and head to spin or lace up my shoes for a quick run. But even these thoughts aren't enough to keep me from working out because It convinces me being thin is so much more important.

But I'm so scared of this newest addiction because I know this much cardio really could kill me.