All Fall Down

I've written before about being lost. Stuck in this nightmare of a world, trying and failing so many times to escape. Currently I am poised in between my world of terror and that of happiness. Unsure of which way I really want to go, especially because climbing all of those steps is exhausting. So, some days I don't climb at all, but I still hold on and try my hardest not to fall, even if the easiest thing would be to let go. 

The good news is that my support system is getting louder, drowning out the voices below that tell me to fall once again. I make myself dizzy constantly looking every which way, trying to decide who is right today. But then something will hit me that makes me realize which way I really want to go.

You see, I've come to realize we all end up in nightmares we seemingly can't escape. Nobody will make it through this life without falling down that rabbit hole, some are just better at getting out than others. 

In some ways we are alone in these worlds. With only the voices to keep us company. But there are millions of these worlds. They are occupied by boys and girls, men and women who simply lost their way. But this is the 21st century. There are a million and one ways to communicate. So while we are stuck in isolation in our ghastly worlds we are not completely alone. 

So enters Twitterland (or Facebook or Tumblr or whatever) where you can create your very own secret identity. An identity separate from those not currently stuck in grim places. Through these mediums you can find those who's land of nightmares is not that much different from yours. You can talk and share and support in ways that you can't always do with those you communicate with in the "real" world. Of course, this can be tricky because, while rare, there are those who do not want to see you succeed they support your demons and tell you that starving/purging/cutting/etc. is fine, they will do anything to keep you in this world. The trick is getting far away from those and fast. Luckily, more people are supportive and motivating than not.

This glimpse into another's nightmare can be just the push you need to get yourself out of your dark place. Often times it will put things into perspective, a perspective these monsters don't want you to see. I hate the saying "no matter how bad you have it somebody always has it worse" while not untrue I feel it diminishes whatever that person is feeling. Nobody should feel that their feelings aren't important but this glimpse into another's world may be the key to helping them. 

While all of these illusions differ from one person to the next they all share a common ruler: fear. It's the hardest monster of all to defeat. But that's exactly why the glimpse of another's horrifying dreams is so important, especially if that person is overcoming a fear. There are those fighting a fear of needles to get the ultimate gift. There are those facing their abusers and letting them know they no longer control them. These are the important things to see. The stories I've heard that made me realize that as terrifying as Fear is there's so much more than just giving up and staying in this hellish place.

It's not easy breaking free from those chains you've got. And it's one of the scariest things you will ever do, no matter what it is you are trying to escape from. I'm still trapped but my chains are looser than they were before. 

I don't know exactly what's waiting for me on the other side of this. I do know that the world I left behind long ago is gone and once I'm free from Fear the world I enter will be so much better than anything I could ever imagine.