Monsters Really do Exist

When we're little we are afraid of monsters. The ones in closests, under our beds, and out in the blackness of the night. As we grow older we start to realize that these are not the monsters to fear. There are the lucky ones that simply must realize that there are people out there who really are monsters but will never encounter them. Then there are those of us with the monsters inside of us, the monsters who make us do things that hurt ourselves and in doing so hurt those that we love.

The first monster I ever met was anxiety but that is easily tamed with the right combinations of pills, breathing exercises, and support. Anxiety has it's moments when it fights the affects of all of those and reigns supreme but can be controlled with enough focus.

Then, there was depression the monster I refused to acknowledge until it got so ferocious and scary that I finally had to admit that it had teamed up with anxiety and they were both wreaking havoc on my fragile psyche causing me to need find help in anyway I could, even though admitting it was almost as scary as facing it alone.

But then anorexia entered the picture. The scariest monster of all. Anorexia quickly took over, it might have been the newest in the bunch but it didn't take long for it to become the strongest.

The thing with this monster is that there aren't pills to fight it. Anorexia cannot be cured, it can only be fought. Fought by controlling the other monsters and finding strength within myself to defeat it. But I don't know if people understand that this battle is hard. I know it's not impossible but sometimes it feels like it. 

However this monster does sleep. But it is also easily awoken; by certain words or by simply chewing. I do my best not to let It wake up, though that sometimes means not eating. And when the monster does wake up to hear my stomach rumbling It is nice. It is proud of me for being strong enough to resist temptation. 

Because this monster is inside of me it knows every thought, feeling, and action coursing through my body and can tell when I'm about to slip. It knows how to control this, all I have to do is look at those perfect skinny models. The skeletons in clothes I can only dream of wearing. Or if I am unable to pull up any sort of pictures it simply whispers in my ear "look at your thighs, put down the food" "not worth the calories" "do you want to stay fat forever?" Those thoughts send me into panic mode. I scream and cry because there's a part of me, the part that the monster hasn't quite gotten to yet, that knows these are bad. Those thoughts are simply the monsters way of trying to win and I must do everything in my power not to let that happen.

The thing with these monsters is that I don't get a knight in shining armor to help me defeat them. However, I am not alone I am simply the leader. I must use the support and resources I've been given to defeat the monsters. It is hard knowing that I've had to bring all of these people into my war, a war none of us asked to be a part of, but one that I am glad I am not alone in.

So yes, I believe that monsters exist, out in the world and inside of us. But there those, like me, that have an amazing army behind them to help fight and call on when I am in need of assistance. And with any luck I will defeat Anorexia and hopefully take down the other two with it, and once that's done, perhaps I can help others fight their monsters because nobody should have to be afraid, especially of themselves.