Over It

"I'm fucking over it."

All of it.

I want to crawl out of my skin. Out of the 101lbs of fat that clings to me and laughs when I stare in the mirror.

I want nothing to do with any of this anymore. I don't want the comments about how skinny I am or how much I eat. I want to be left alone. Completely alone.

I feel judged 99.9% of the time, by my parents if my room is too messy, if I work too much or too little, if I don't do this ONE thing they want. I'm judged by most of the adults in my life for being too thin and not setting a good example. This isn't something I chose, being a bad example is doing drugs and being a whore. I'm starving because I need to be more perfect and I'm trying to be a really good example in a very fucked up way. I'm judged because they think I want attention when in reality I just very much want to be left alone.

I can't be left alone. When I'm alone I get sad, very sad and I need hugs and soothing words. When I'm alone It gets louder and louder saying that nobody is here because I'm not perfect enough for anyone to care. So I guess I don't really want to be left alone, at least for very long.

This isn't easy though. Fighting through this. And at least for tonight, I'm over it. I just want to bury myself in bed and be alone. Unless someone wants to snuggle and play with my hair and just let me cry, that's OK, but I can't talk, not tonight.