So Loved

If I said it once I've said it a million times, I AM NOT DOING THIS FOR ATTENTION! I know how to get the affection I crave without resorting to drastic measures. I know how to make people happy without hurting myself. This is about control and my own idea of happiness. 

You know, I got asked a lot growing up if I was anorexic or had an eating disorder. And I denied it because I thought it was ridiculous, why would somebody starve themselves, let alone "tiny" me who people were already concerned about without needing to be? Thinking back it seems so silly because now I know why people starve themselves and it doesn't matter how small they are.

I don't need to feel anymore loved than I already do. I get so many texts/emails/phone calls from people telling me they love me or that I'm amazing. Obviously I'm not feeling neglected. 

I don't completely understand why this happened and I may never know, medical professionals can't even give a clear cut answer as to why people develop eating disorders.

I can tell you though, that I certainly didn't develop mine because I was unloved.