That is the last thing this is.
If this were for attention I would be able to shut it off the second somebody told me what I needed to hear. People can tell me I'm too skinny until they're blue in the face and I won't believe them.
If this were for attention I wouldn't cry every time I think I've gained or every time I eat even one small bite. I wouldn't hide this from people I work with. I wouldn't eat in front of people at all, I would binge in secret.
If this were for attention I would post selfies on Facebook with captions like "I'm so fat, ugh" just looking for those comments, but I avoid drawing attention to the way I look because I honestly hate it and I am afraid others see the same flaws I do.
Maybe it's because of who I chose to reach out too? It was by chance that I chose who I did. I couldn't tell my parents or any family for that matter. I had just moved and didn't know many people and the person I had planned on telling was busy. I was so tired and I had to tell somebody what was going on and how I was feeling and the things I was doing.
This is not for attention from anyone. Not my parents because I know how to get their attention in more positive ways. And not anyone else because I feel like having anorexia makes me such a failure and this all started becuase I wanted to be perfect and not screw up.
I'm sorry if you think this is for attention but I promise it's not.
No comments:
Post a Comment