This is not a goddamn choice. I don't choose whether or not I eat, the monster does, I feel like a puppet. It tells me what to do and say and how to act. Of course sometimes I rebel and eat or talk about my problems but not often. I've never been rebellious, if I didn't listen I would get in trouble and getting in trouble isn't being perfect. It's like that with It as well. It is in charge and I must obey, those people who are telling me to eat and fight and get better are not my friends, they are bad people who want to get me in trouble and don't want me to be perfect. Yes, I know how insane that is, but It is very convincing, especially when I'm alone at night.
If this were a choice I could just turn it off. I could happily munch away on my favorite foods or not have a meltdown when somebody says that I'm dressed like a pumpkin (I was wearing orange).
Unfortunately I can't outrun the monster. It is always with me "unlike your so called 'friends'" It whispers. It convinces me that everyone is just going to leave me, especially if I'm not perfect. It promises never to leave and will make me perfect so EVERYONE will stay and love me.
I didn't choose this. It chose me.
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