Words

 

I am so sensitive. My whole day can be made or broken by simple words, though one negative comment overpowers 1,000 good ones. The negative comments also stay with me a hell of a lot longer than the good ones. And those comments bring back other ones with it, and it's like a flood of every time I've messed up or done something I shouldn't have storming through my head.

 

It's always been like this, now it just affects me more. Especially comments about my body/food.

"You're going to get fat eating that"

"Do you know how many calories are in that?"

"WHOA! You ate that quickly"

"You're thin, not skinny"

Everyday these words replay in my head whenever I pick up any sort of food. The hardest part is that my family doesn't understand what I'm going through and worst of all they don't really believe me. So sometimes they make the comments. "You eat too much to have an eating disorder" "You just want attention"

Those words hurt the most. Your family is supposed to support you and sometimes I think "I'll show you" and it makes me feel so alone, at least when I'm at home.

 

I try so very hard to not mess up so I don't have these negative things said to me but I feel that the harder I try to be perfect the more everything just kind of falls apart and the more negative comments I get.

 

I don't know how to change this. I don't know how to let words get to me the way they do. I wish I could hold on to the positive words instead of the negative words. I just can't and I don't know if I will ever be able to do that.

 

I do know that I need to let words stop affecting me like this. After all words are just different combinations of the same 26 letters.