Depression

I can be super honest and open about a lot of things; my eating disorder, anxiety, anxiety pills, how much I suck at math, shyness, and pretty much anything. But the hardest thing to admit is that I have depression (duh).

I feel like depression is the worst thing in the world you could have (it isn't) and my mom is depressed and I would do anything not to turn out like her, at least the not so good parts. I can remember sitting the doctors office getting put on anxiety meds, and her asking me if I felt depressed and me lying through my teeth and saying "nope. Not at all" looking back I think she realized I was lying and prescribed me Prozac to "keep the anxiety away" along with Ativan for full panic attacks.

Personally, I think I've been depressed for a very very long time and I didn't even know it. I've had these crazy feelings like I'm drowning and I just happened to stumble upon something that said that's exactly what depression feels like. That's when I knew, maybe two years ago but I've only recently admitted it and still have a hard time accepting it.

Though, I don't think you can really develop an eating disorder without having SOME form of depression, it seems like they go hand in hand.

I get worried that if I admit to depression people will think I'm crazy or suicidal or a self-harmer and I'm not I just get really sad some(most)times. 

Maybe admitting it to you, and some different medication will help me. 

Basically, I'm just tired of feeling like I'm drowning.